Tomorrow
Our big ultrasound is finally almost here! I am more excited this time than ever. So is Ben. I guess this will be sort of a defining moment for our family, because this next member is most likely the last. Who are the Fowlers going to be? I can hardly stand it. More people have been interested this time around in hearing whether I have a gender preference, presumably because we already have two of one kind. And I am mostly writing this post to sort out my own thoughts.
DISCLAIMER: I have made some generalizations here regarding little kids and gender. Readers, be aware that I understand all children are incredibly unique and often do not fit into what the majority of our culture would expect from an individual of her/his biological gender. I do this for the sake of stating my feelings simply, but know that I strongly believe in equality and acceptance of all people and would be THRILLED to witness any of my children defying gender stereotypes. Thank you very much. Onward.
First, I found out a few years ago that I LOVE LITTLE BOYS.** I had two sisters growing up, so little boys are still new and exciting. And I just adore them. And I really enjoyed having all-girl siblings. It kind of makes you feel like some kind of force. And let’s face it, I kind of like being a force. I like thinking about being able to say things like, “the boys are in the backyard,” and “I’ll pick the boys up from school,” and stuff like that. I guess I’m sort of a diva, and divas like being the only girl. And I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty good at it. And you know how sometimes a woman feels this “need” to raise a little girl or a man reeeeeeally wants to have a boy to play sports games with or whatever? I don’t feel that. I think it probably can be perfectly healthy to want that, but I just don’t have that need.
And having a girl. Well, you know that exhilarating feeling I had from having boys when I grew up with only girls? Now I would get that from having a girl. And that is FRIGHTENING. But in a fun way. Like watching “Pet Cemetery.” Here is a dumb reason it would be fun to have a girl: I want to SEE a Fowler girl. What would she look like? Here is maybe a slightly sinister reason for kind of NOT wanting a girl: I am one, and that makes me feel like I know how it is to be one. BUT. I only know how it is to be THIS one. But I forget that. And I think I could seriously overanalyze every parenting move with a girl based on that feeling. You know, vicariously trying to correct my own flaws in her and just being more anxious about how she “turns out” and weird stuff like that. I have found it easier with my temperament to NOT know stuff and just kind of go with it. Lastly, we have about a zillion girl names we like and about ZERO for a boy. What the heck? If you know of an awesome boy name that you aren’t reserving for yourself, please let me know. No joke.
Well, thanks for being my outlet. I think I’m ready. Stay tuned.
**Generalization. See “DISCLAIMER” for this sort of thing. Some little boys are just terrible.
